Drunk (Phan)
by harrypottergleek97
Summary: Just a short bit of Phan drabble, hope you like it
1. Chapter 1

A/N **I don't own Dan or Phil (Ohmygosh, can you imagine?) or Ed Sheeran or any of his music, so yeah. I hope you guys like this, it will be quiet short, but I've got a lot on longer ones coming. I just want to say a thank-you to DovahFinn for just being great in general! Yay! So I hope you guys enjoy! –Harrypottergleek97 (I really need to change my name, made this account like 2 years ago?) **

**Drunk **

**Chapter one: A normal day **

Dan was slumped on the sofa watching something random on the TV. He was still half asleep, and he felt himself drifting in and out of consciousness. He widened his eyes, trying to stay awake. It was around 8 in the morning, and Dan had given up trying to go back to sleep. It was like this every night. Either he couldn't sleep at all, his mind was so full of thoughts, so many he couldn't keep them all in line. They shouted over each other, trying to get his attention. It gave him a headache. They were all about the same thing though. The same person. If he wasn't lying in bed trying to get his mind to shut up, he was asleep and waking up gasping for air, jolted from another terrible nightmare. He knew he called out in his sleep, calling for what he wanted, what he always lost in his dream. Either he didn't call loud enough, or his roommate couldn't hear him in his deep, perfect sleep. That was good though. That would be an awkward conversation to have after all. Last night had been particularly bad though.

He had gone to bed quiet late, around quarter to two. He had been editing his latest video, but he was distracted by other thoughts. Eventually he gave up. The video wasn't any good anyway, he was too distant. He sighed, shutting down the computer, and stood up stretching, deciding to go to bed. He had fallen asleep quickly, he shut his eyes and almost immediately he was drifting. Next thing he knew, he was stood on one side of the living room, with Phil on the other. Phil was screaming at him, his face bright red, all the beauty and innocence gone from it. "Get out! GET OUT! I don't want you anywhere near me!" Dan felt instant guilt wash over him. Whatever had upset Phil, it was Dan's fault. Of course it was, he ruined everything he cared about. "I'm sorry Phil. I'm so so sorry" he whispered, his voice hoarse. Suddenly Phil was flying across the room, screaming at him "Get out! Leave me alone you sicko!" Dan flinched as a fist smashed into his cheek. He didn't move though, didn't run. Whatever was coming, he deserved it. Suddenly, Phil was gone. Dan ran around the flat, looking for him, calling his name. "Phil?" He was gone. The whole world seemed darker, as it always did when Phil wasn't there. Phil with his bright light, his childlike happiness. His words echoed in Dan's head "Go away."

That's when Dan had woken up, crying. "Phil" he murmured, before walking out of his bedroom. He paused outside Phil's door, and placed an ear against it, listening. He could hear Phil's deep breathing, and he sighed. He always had to check, check that Phil was still there. Then he padded into the living room, glancing at the clock. Half past four. He sighed again, and slumped on the sofa.

It was just gone eight when Phil wandered in, yawning. He nodded slightly at Dan, before wandering into the kitchen. Dan heard him open the fridge and then Phil's voice called "Cereal?" Dan thought for a moment and called back "Ok" before getting up to help Phil. He was stood next to him, placing spoons into the bowls, when Phil asked curiously "What are you doing up this early? There isn't a llama apocalypse scheduled today that I've forgotten about?" Dan chuckled lightly and said "No. I want to reply to some fan e-mails before we go to the party tonight, and you know how long it takes me." Dan saw Phil frown slightly and then he said "I did tell you about the party! I didn't forget again, no way!" Phil nodded at him grinning. "Ugh, I'm such a ditz!" Phil laughed and Dan continued "Anyway, do you remember Nathan?" Phil nodded and said "The one from uni?" Dan smiled "Yeah. He's throwing a party, just a few mates from uni and that, he said you could come to" Phil sighed and said "Dan, if it's all the same to you, I think I'll miss this one. I'm not feeling great" Dan was automatically in his arms, hugging him. "What's wrong?" he asked, alarmed. Phil sighed again "It's nothing serious, I'm just a bit tired, that's all." Dan let go of him and stared at him intently for a moment before saying "I can stay with you here if you want" Phil shook his head quickly and said "No, you go, see your mates. I'm probably going to have an early night anyway" Dan gave him another quick hug before they walked back into the living room with their food. "Are you sure?" Dan asked, still sounding worried. "Yeah" Phil whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: The party **

Dan had just left the house, and he was wandering down the street towards Nathans, his headphones in his ears. He was worried about Phil. He rarely left the house these days, kept saying he didn't feel well. He seemed so distant sometimes, like he wasn't even there. Sure, sometimes he was still the same old happy Phil, who couldn't seem to hate anyone, no matter what they did, but sometimes… he just wasn't there. Dan sighed, trying to forget it. If something was wrong, Phil would have told him. He should just go to this party and have fun. He wanted to turn round, run back home. He wanted to hold Phil in his arms until he felt better, but he couldn't. He selected a song and listened as he continued to walk. He couldn't get into it at first, but eventually he started to listen to the lyrics.

_But a house gets cold when you cut the heating, without you to hold I'll be freezing _

Dan thought of the hugs he and Phil had shared today, grinning. He always made an effort to hug Phil these days, to make it clear that he cared. T o show him he could tell him anything, even if he couldn't tell Phil everything.

_Can't rely on my heart to beat it, 'cause you take part of it every evening _

Dan remembered what it was like, when Phil used to go out most nights, even if it was just for a walk. He remembered how it felt like he had lost a part of him. It was like the loneliness ate away at him, bit by bit, the minute the front door shut.

_Take words out of my mouth just from breathing, replace with phrases like when you're leaving me _

Dan remembered the worst nightmare. It was worse, because he was there when he made the mistake. He had to watch Phil leave. He remembered telling Phil how he felt, and he remembered the look of pure hatred on Phil's face. He had to watch as he turned without a word, and walked out the front door without looking back.

_Should I? Should I? Maybe I'll get drunk again, I'll be drunk again, I'll be drunk again. To feel a little love. _

Dan knew what his problem was. He felt too much. He felt so much that his heart had become a hole, and it hurt. There was always a niggling pain in his chest, waiting for him to let his guard down. Waiting for him to go to bed, waiting to swallow all his hopes and dreams, waiting to tell him he wasn't good enough. He especially wasn't good enough for Phil. Dan needed to get drunk. The pain had heightened now, it couldn't get any worse. Dan just wanted to forget for a while.

Soon he was inside, in Nathans kitchen. He hadn't seen anyone he recognised yet, but that was ok. He was on a mission. He grabbed a cup, and reached for the nearest bottle, not even bothering to look at what it was.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Phil's truth **

Phil lay on his bed, hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling. He wished Dan was home, but he knew it was for the best. Phil needed to distance himself from Dan, because if he didn't, he knew it would only hurt him more. He wasn't ill, he felt fine, apart from the butterflies that seemed to permanently live in his stomach, suddenly appearing whenever he saw Dan. Well, that's how it had started anyway. These days he only had to think Dan's name, or see something that belonged to him, or reminded Phil of him, and they were there. Needless to say, he had experienced a lot of these butterflies recently. He sighed to himself; he knew he shouldn't be thinking about this. He couldn't stop though, and he knew it was better to do it when Dan wasn't in the house. He'd had to pretend to be ill a lot lately. It was hard enough to act normal just hanging around the flat with Dan, never mind dancing with him at a party, surrounded by people experiencing the one thing he would never experience, not with Dan anyway. Love. Well, no, that wasn't strictly to. He was experiencing love with Dan, his own. He just knew there was no way it would be reciprocated. He knew that if he got a little drunk, or a little too happy dancing with Dan, there was a chance he'd let it slip. Then he would be rejected, and he would shatter. He was already so fragile just from knowing that it could never work, he knew he couldn't cope with that fear being confirmed. So he was stuck in this limbo, trying to do him and Dan's matey things, like holding hands, trying to not wish it was something more. He was stuck. He couldn't just leave, that would destroy him. He couldn't tell anyone, that would destroy him too. The only path he could take was to act like nothing had changed. And it was hard. He imagined Dan having fun at the party, drinking, talking to their friends, maybe dancing with someone else. Maybe kissing someone else. He felt tears pricking his eyes, and shook his head, trying to clear it of these thoughts. He was distracted quiet suddenly however, when he heard a bang in the corridor. He jumped, and quickly glanced at the clock. 5:30. That was late, even for Dan. Phil rolled his eyes, and tried not to grin, but drunk Dan was pretty funny. He got up of his bed and walked to his bedroom door. He stopped suddenly however, when he heard a faint "Phil" He suddenly found himself in front of Dan, who was slumped on the floor. "Dan? Dan? What's wrong, are you ok?" Dan looked up a slurred "Oopsy daisies, I fell over." Phil tried not to laugh, but he felt a grin spread across his face again. "Idiot. You called me, I thought something had happened to you." He leant over, grabbing Dan's arm with one hand and wrapping his other arm around Dan's waist. He hauled him up, trying not to notice how close they were. He was distracted however, by the smell of alcohol of Dan's breath "How much have you been drinking!" exclaimed Phil. Dan turned his head lightly and said "Phillie! My Phil. I love you, do you know that?" Phil laughed this time and said "Yeah yeah, I love you too. Come on" He started to move, but stopped at the look on Dan's face. He seemed to swallow, and suddenly, he didn't look so drunk anymore. "No. I mean it" he said hoarsely "I love you." Dan saw Phil start to open his mouth, and he said quickly "Not as a friend, ok?" Phil sighed and said "That doesn't change my reply Da. I love you too, ok?" Phil's voice sounded dead. He had closed himself off. He knew Dan didn't mean what he was saying, he was completely off his face. He also knew that Dan wouldn't remember this in the morning, so Phil told him. He just needed to get it off his chest. Now he closed himself off, not wanting to show how much it meant to him, to hear Dan say it. Even if he was drunk. Dan turned to face him, leaning against the wall again, barely able to support himself. He pulled Dan roughly towards him, so their foreheads were touching. Phil barely noticed, he was too busy studying the shape, the colour of Dan's eyes. Dan whispered "Kiss me." Phil pulled away as though he had been electrocuted. "No." he said firmly. Dan looked confused, his eyes wide. It took all Phil had to not give in and kiss him, but he was determined. "Why?" Dan whimpered. Phil smiled slightly, sadly before saying "Because I meant what I said, Dan. I love you. I'm not going to take advantage of you when you're in this state. I know you think you love me back, but you're drunk. You don't mean it. You won't even remember this tomorrow." Dan slumped slightly, looking defeated. Phil wrapped his arm around his waist again, and helped him into his bedroom and onto the bed. Dan lay there, eyes closed, pretending to be asleep. Phil knew he was pretending because he could see the tears slipping down Dan's cheeks. He was startled for a moment, trying to figure out why Dan would be crying, and then he looked away. He would ask Dan about it tomorrow, he obviously wanted to be alone. Something had probably happened at the party. He couldn't just leave him there like that though, so without saying a word, he moved to the bathroom. He got some tissue and walked back to Dan. He wiped away Dan's tears ever so gently, before quickly kissing him on the forehead and leaving the room. Dan wouldn't remember the kiss after all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: The morning after **

Dan opened his eyes, groaning. His head was throbbing. He was lying on top of his bed, still dressed. He closed his eyes again, and tried to remember what had happened. It was hard, like trying to walk through a thick fog surrounding you all sides. Trying to walk to somewhere you know, but never being completely sure if you're going in the right direction. He couldn't remember much about the party, apart from knocking back drink after drink. Huh, that explained the head ache then. He was lucky though, he may get really bad headaches, but if most people had drunk half of what he had then they would be throwing up. He smiled slightly, remembering drinking Phil under the table one night, and having to look after him as he threw up the next day. He couldn't remember anything about the journey home, although he obviously made it back. He had a faint impression that something important had happened, but after a while he sighed, not being able to remember. He got up, showering quickly and swallowing some pain killers for the headache. He threw on some clothes, not even looking at what he was putting on. He walked slowly out of his room, and suddenly a flood of memories washed over him. It had been right there that he had told Phil he loved him. "Shit" he murmured, before leaning against the wall and sliding down it. Dan glanced up at the table by the door where he and Phil kept their keys, and sure enough, his were missing. Dan didn't know when or if he'd be back, but at least he was alone for now. He'd told him. Why? Why? Why would he do something that stupid? He had very likely just ruined the best thing in his life, all because of his idiotic drunkenness. He felt the first few tears slip down his cheeks, and soon he was sobbing. Phil probably hated him. Dan would know if he hadn't been so drunk. If he hadn't been so drunk, he wouldn't have told him in the first place! Tears were running down his face now, soaking his t-shirt. The tears brought back a new memory. He was lying down, his eyes shut, and somebody was wiping away his tears. He felt to soft pressure of lips on his forehead. He sighed at the memory. He had felt so comforted, and it was nice after… oh. It all came back to him now, every moment. He sorted through the new memories slowly.

Phil had said he'd loved him. Phil and Dan's foreheads were pressed together. Phil didn't believe him. That hurt. The hole in his chest widened, and Dan suddenly felt sick. He leant his head against the wall and closed his eyes.

He opened his eyes as the flat door opened. Phil was stood in the door way, his keys in his mouth, juggling shopping bags. "You went shopping without me" Dan murmured. Phil's head snapped up. He put the bags down and removed the keys from his mouth, turning around to shut the door before saying "Oh, you're awake." His voice took on a teasing tone as he turned back around and said "Last night! I've never seen you so drunk" Dan groaned and said "I remember" without thinking. They both froze, and were silent for a long moment before Phil slowly slumped next to Dan. "You remember" he murmured. Dan didn't know what to say, so he stayed silent. He wanted to hold Phil's hand, to hold him, to rest his head on his shoulder, but he didn't. He didn't want to make things any worse. Phil sighed "I guess we better talk about last night" Something suddenly occurred to Dan "What were you going to do? If I didn't remember." Phil paused for a moment and said sheepishly "I was going to pretend it never happened." Dan smiled slightly and said "I'm glad I remember then". Phil said quickly "Look… wait what?" He seemed shocked and Dan laughed. "That's right; you didn't believe me, did you? That hurts you know. You were the one lying about it, not me. I'm sorry by the way, for making you lie. It must have been really awkward for you. I'm surprised your even sitting near me." Phil looked at him questioningly "Why?" Dan laughed "You don't feel the same way, and here I am, acting like a love sick llama. Just forget it happened ok?" Dan stood up quickly, just wanting to get to the safety of his room, but he was stopped. Phil had grabbed hold of his arm, and he pulled him back down gently. "I don't want to forget" he said. He looked at Dan for a long while before taking a deep breathe and saying "I wasn't lying Dan." They stared at each other for a long time, both digesting what that meant. And then they were kissing. Neither of them knew who had made the first move, and they didn't care. Phil wrapped his arms around Dan's waist, pulling him closer. Dan's hand was running through his hair, the other one cupping his cheek. They pulled apart eventually, both smiling.

"Meow" giggled Phil


End file.
